A
Trainload of Jokes and Anecdotes by K R Vaidyanathan; English Edition Publishers and Distributors
Pvt Ltd, Mumbai, 2003; pp 159, Rs 150
----------------------------------------
THE STORY
IS TOLD of an English gentleman named Tom who had the deepest regard for the
railways of India. Once Tom was at Karjat station waiting for a train that
would take him to Poona. When after three hours at the platform, there was no sign of a train
coming, Tom asked a porter what the matter was.
"There
was a train collusion last night on
this line, sir," explained the porter.
Tom looked
the coolie up and down with disgust. "Collision, not collusion, you idiot !" he cried.
To which
the porter asked, "U or I sir?"
There are
people who look upon a joke as a mere trifle, an altogether waste of words.
Others say that for real harmless fun nothing can beat a joke. They say that a
joke leads on to laughter which is the best medicine. Someone may break into a
laugh, others may grin. The humour may be ever so slight but it nearly always
brings a smile to the listener's face.
With so
many joke books already on the crowded shelves of bookshops, one may wonder if
Vaidyanathan's anthology has anything different to offer. The answer depends on
who picks up the book. The general reader will look upon this as any other joke
book with the railways as its theme. For the rail enthusiast, it is nothing
less than a treasure chest of nuggets. It is a book that comes close to being a
collectors' find.
A veteran
writer and railwayman, Shri Vaidyanathan first began to dabble with literature
when he joined railway service in 1947. He was posted to Bombay where he found
an untapped mine of literary treasure lying in the VT library. It was a
veritable treasure and Vaidyanathan would spend hour after hour reading voraciously.
He soon found he had a penchant for collecting trivia from old railway
magazines and books. He kept adding to his collection until his stock of
material grew to enormous proportions, large enough to fill an entire book.
Then came the task of classifying his tales under various heads. This book,
released on the 150th anniversary of Indian Railways, has jokes and anecdotes
on nearly every facet of railway life. Beginning with platform humour, there
are sections devoted to trains and travellers, tales from the Raj, train
robberies, as well as humour revolving around guards, station masters, booking
clerks and a variety of other subjects.
Had it
been purely a joke book, this volume would probably not have much to recommend
it. Its appeal lies in the fact that the writer has carefully interspersed his
work with anecdotes from real life, as well as trivia that serves to inform as
well as entertain. He tells us how the railways met with opposition when they
first arrived in India, and how the 24 - hour clock came to be adopted. Then
there are tales telling about the legendary Thomas Edmondson and the pasteboard
ticket he invented, railway officials and the games they played in their
colonies, a runaway cattle train speeding through the countryside unmanned for
over an hour. There is enough variety in this book to hold the enthusiast spellbound
from beginning till end.
Nothing could be more charming that the tale of Mr Barnard who retired as Chief Operating Superintendent of the old East Indian Railway. Having spent the whole day in the grilling heat of Mughalsarai yard on an inspection, Barnard retired towards evening to his inspection saloon. But sleep would not come easily, and he was frequently woken up due to his carriage being shunted about throughout the night. To quote his own words: “I was grateful for the lull towards the morning and had gone to sleep peacefully for the first time (for my carriage which had been like a furnace had, by now, somewhat cooled down), when there was a terrific bang and I was nearly thrown off my berth. This was the last straw and I got up in a towering rage intending to blow up the shunter. As I turned to the handle of the door to open it, I heard one of the shunting porters shouting Astey, astey, saala sota hai. At this I promptly went back to bed.”
Nothing could be more charming that the tale of Mr Barnard who retired as Chief Operating Superintendent of the old East Indian Railway. Having spent the whole day in the grilling heat of Mughalsarai yard on an inspection, Barnard retired towards evening to his inspection saloon. But sleep would not come easily, and he was frequently woken up due to his carriage being shunted about throughout the night. To quote his own words: “I was grateful for the lull towards the morning and had gone to sleep peacefully for the first time (for my carriage which had been like a furnace had, by now, somewhat cooled down), when there was a terrific bang and I was nearly thrown off my berth. This was the last straw and I got up in a towering rage intending to blow up the shunter. As I turned to the handle of the door to open it, I heard one of the shunting porters shouting Astey, astey, saala sota hai. At this I promptly went back to bed.”
Then
there's the tale of the burly loco foreman known to his friends as ‘Small’ who
once squeezed his frame through the window of a carriage and bolted for his
life with a TTI in hot pursuit thinking him to be a ticketless traveler... Or yet
again, the scene at Delhi railway station where Lord Irwin, having relinquished
his viceroyalty stood shaking hands with the Station Master thanking him for
his courtesy. “Not at all, your Excellency,” replied the Station Master, “It
has always been a pleasure to see you off !”
Deep
within his heart, the railway enthusiast holds an unfortunate bias. He would
love to think of his railways as an enterprise that exists solely for its own
sake. The buzzing crowd on the platform, the follies and foibles of railwaymen,
the cries of a porter, the exchange between travellers seated in a carriage—these
and a host of other things are seen as a positive hindrance, and shrugged aside
as though they were no part of the real business of railways. But let him but
come upon a Signalman posted on duty, and his perspective dramatically alters.
The railwayman at work assumes an importance out of all proportion to the true
nature of his work; he appears as a larger-than-life figure, a superhuman being
engaged in the noblest of all pursuits.
With its
human interest stories and anecdotes, Vaidyanathan's book has a remarkable levelling
influence. It helps to dispel some of these notions held by the railfan,
creating a more balanced perspective. Let a man but read this volume, and if he
be a rail enthusiast, he will find himself better equipped in his mind when he
sets his sights on the next train due at the station.
This is a
wonderfully evocative book peopled by engine foremen, guards and drivers, rail travellers,
ticket examiners, station masters and railway superintendents of old. One may
dip into it at leisure and draw inspiration and enjoyment. It is a perennial
source of merriment and pleasure, a lively voice that conjures up India's steam
age in all its hues and colours.
...............................
Ravindra
Bhalerao